Ten months

Day off work today as usual for current Fridays. I'll be returning to five days per week in less than a month.


I can examine my emotions and feelings and thought processes and ways of seeing things and, of course, it all helps. But I haven't seen Ruby for ten months. And I miss her, I miss her, I miss her. I just miss her. Ten months is a very long time to not see your own child. That's all, I just miss her. I doubt this will ever leave me no matter how much control I can gain over anything else. My heart aches. I just miss her.

Ruby the Rider of Rohan

Ran home from work three days ago on Tuesday. It was only 12km,  a short one for me, but was the most difficult run ever. It wiped me out for days but then today I easily stormed through to 17km, my first ever 10-mile plus. Sometimes there is no logic to running!
On Tuesday, as I ran past some local fields, a two metre wide grass-covered mound caught my eye. It was the only mound in that field and was probably the result of rootstock from a fallen tree years before. There were no flowers anywhere in the field except for this mound which was covered in daisies. It struck me as looking just like a grave of a Rider of Rohan from The Lord of the Rings, Ruby's favourite book and film. I lost my breath and cried. I barely made it home.
I often think of Ruby thundering across Rohan on horseback, hair flowing, bow and quiver across her back, a broad smile from ear to ear, feeling at home as if she belongs there. She does.


Philosophy class tonight- virtue ethics. How is one to live?