What to say, what not to say

1) Often there isn't the right thing to say but there is often the wrong thing- think before you speak.
2) Being quiet together is OK.
3) Not knowing what to say is OK.
4) No fatalism, no religion, no "it was her time to go" nonsense.
5) Ask me. If I don't want to say, I won't.
6) Only I can say "It's what she would have wanted".
7) Don't say "she is in a better place". She isn't, she is not in my arms, the best place for her (see no.4, above)
8) Although her death affects you, it is mainly my grief. I have ownership. I have weight of comment.
9) I will try to be honest but will not always be open. I don't want to share my true face with someone whose primary talent is supposition.
10) Don't ever whine about your children. Ever.
11) Saying you will always "be there" is very nice but a homemade dinner I can just throw in the oven is nicer and more pragmatic.
12) Feel free to be open about how you feel (with the exception of no.4, above). Saying you are sad will not make me worse.