I think I might have saved someone's life at work this week.
He wanted to take his own life. We talked for along time about the stress of change, about feeling in greater control when when you learn to let go of things beyond your power, making plans for anniversaries, constructive coping mechanisms, giving himself permission to be happy.
I have been missing my arms around Ruby, her hair on my face and her shoulders in my arm pits. It has been a very tough day.
Felt very sick with anxiety, a new emotion, on the way to a cafe to meet friends. It was beyond reason but then calmed with good conversation.
Monday 7 April 2014
Wednesday 2 April 2014
Mother's Day
Mother's Day was two days ago, Claire's first since Ruby died. Tom made a card at the childminders and I bought a card that Tom signed and I wrote "+R xxx". What does one do?
Claire returned to work last week- two half days only- and it exhausted her as it did me when I returned. But that most difficult step is over.
I didn't attend philosophy class as I wanted to drink gin instead. I emailed the teacher and he kindly smiled me back. He seams a lovely guy and I could probably enjoy his company but what do I do now? I have built up so much sophisticated bullshit as an adult that I don't know how to make fiends, as children easily do. I have met some kind, interesting people whose company I enjoy and I have recognised this more in the last year than previously. But, perversely, it feels more difficult to do something constructively about it now even though my wish to do something is stronger than before.
I have been greatly enjoying restoring Claire's bicycle. i initially planned a simple frame respray but have ordered lots of new parts and I am halfway through rebuilding it. I have a new build project planned for me.
Claire returned to work last week- two half days only- and it exhausted her as it did me when I returned. But that most difficult step is over.
I didn't attend philosophy class as I wanted to drink gin instead. I emailed the teacher and he kindly smiled me back. He seams a lovely guy and I could probably enjoy his company but what do I do now? I have built up so much sophisticated bullshit as an adult that I don't know how to make fiends, as children easily do. I have met some kind, interesting people whose company I enjoy and I have recognised this more in the last year than previously. But, perversely, it feels more difficult to do something constructively about it now even though my wish to do something is stronger than before.
I have been greatly enjoying restoring Claire's bicycle. i initially planned a simple frame respray but have ordered lots of new parts and I am halfway through rebuilding it. I have a new build project planned for me.
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