Empathy

It is our connections to others and a recognition of sameness that encourage cohesion in our human community and this can be achieved with warmth and empathy. Here are some tips learnt through my work in mental health:

 1. Imagine how the other person feels. This sounds obvious but is rarely practised. It can be distressing to create a mental picture of the psychic pain and upset someone else may be going through but your imagined sadness is organised and controlled by you and it won't be destructive to your emotional state. How, do you imagine, might it feel for you if a close relative, a friend or a lover dies? How, do you imagine, does it for feel if they suddenly disappear and you can never, ever see them again? Consider this. Weigh it up. Cry, be upset and sad, be affected by it, you can handle it. The humanist proximity and the connections you will have created in the relationship with this person you are talking to will have been worth the emotional investment.

2. Use your personal experiences to place yourself in their position. Everyone will have been through sadness, jealousy and anger and you know, at least to some extent, how these emotions may feel within someone else. The key is extrapolation.  

3. Don't sympathise. Expressing sympathy means making an emotional reaction to a communicated problem and, although it has its place, it can be a liability by clouding judgements. A natural expression of sympathy can provoke an immediate attachment to someone but it is short-lived and shallow. 

4. Be warm and genuine. It is obvious if you don't care.