Saturday 20 October 2018

Toxic Masculinity



I often think about masculinity being toxic and about who it affects. I have read recently about hegemonic masculinity as being a more accurate phrase to use because it encompasses the element of toxicity and also explains its origins in age-old patriarchy and its aggressive dominance. How can masculinity become toxic? Because it is rooted in centuries of oppression and force leading to disparities that are accepted as being "normal". If these disparities can be reflected upon and considered in detail, the reasons and histories, then maybe men can do something about this problem- about women receiving less pay for the same work, about women doing more unpaid and insecure work, about women not having universal suffrage, about educational inequality for girls, about glass ceilings, about sexual violence against women, and so on and on. If men can do something about this then men should do something about this.  How can men do something about this? Men can use the position they are in because of those centuries of patriarchy to somehow lift others up. If men have the advantage of predetermined patriarchy then when others' disadvantages are recognised men should use their power and influence usefully. Surely the reason to have power (and money and status) is to give it away.

Hegemonic masculinity is toxic for everyone. For women, of course, because of old, deep, invasive patriarchy that suffuses almost everything and which contributes to a type of misogyny that sometimes feels hard-wired into the human psyche. It is toxic for men too because it utterly distorts their relationships with women and so they learn less, bond less and grow less. Also, because of the advantages that men have (particularly straight white men) such as in power disparity, lack of fear of women and living in world whose default setting is for their benefit means that men are likely to suffer too- poor rates of health in older men are notable, risk-taking behaviour is greater, lower levels of support for emotional and mental health, greater loneliness, etc.
Hegemony masculinity is about dominance. It is toxic precisely because the otherness that it assumes in its power hierarchy gives rise, by definition, to misogyny. It is no surprise that such prejudice often encourages homophobic and transphobic hatred and, in turn, racism too. I often assume that toxic masculinity particularly affects straight white men because it reinforces the heteronormative, binary view of those most deperate for, and who have, power.  Of course this is not to say that hegemonic patriarchy is not intersectional- anecdotally there appears differences  in the privileges and powers of men in different ethnic groups, queer (LGBTQI+) men, those who are poor and so on (I would be curious to look at research related to intersectional power balances and abuses).
Hegemonic masculinity is about unattainable ideals. If aggressive masculinity encourages a black and white approach to partnership, to friendship, to who men are and to who they are supposed be (basically, James Bond) it is unsurprising that many men feel a strong pull towards a comic-book adaptation of manliness. It is partly my own prejudice that looks warily at men who have obviously spent a lot of time in a gym making their muscles bigger or men in suits driving cars that are unnecessarily large. I imagine they are sad they are not allowed to legally carry an umbrella with a poisoned dart on the end.
Hegemonic masculinity limits expression. As men's continual and subconscious reliance on the patriarchy for their success continues, their introspection is reduced and their belief in binary norms are reinforced. They are not encouraged to consider shades of grey, the ambiguous aspects of human life, and spend little time weighing, considering, examining. The result is a dearth of personal exploration and, instead, the expressed wilful ignorance of 99% of the human experience.
Hegemonic masculinity dimishes life-chances. I am a mental health support worker helping homeless people with varied needs (health issues, addiction issues, etc) and I meet many young men who have rarely had a positive role-model in their life. They often feel trapped in their poverty and unequipped to deal with positive change and engagement with helpers. It is very difficult to escape the restrictions of toxic masculinity if it has spent your life teaching you to be invulnerable and emotionless (or at least that to show vulnerability and emotion is a sign of weakness and is to your disadvantage). There are many restrictions in my job, some "peace walls" are higher than others here in Belfast, but there is an underlying and persistent influencer that restricts men, and by association all of us, again and again. This influencer facilitates drug abuse, it empowers poverty, it perpetuates trans-generational trauma from The Troubles, it encourages distance between young men and young women and also between young men and old men- the influence of toxic masculinity.

Men need to learn a lot. In standing by when women are belittled, abused and coerced, men, like me, are complicit in their abuse. Us moderates who look away (in fear of abuse or embarrassment maybe) are participants although we like to ignore this fact. With our passivity we are co-facilitating patriarchy, encouraging it. When men, like me, do nothing we ossify patriarchy, and we ossify ourselves. We petrify women and we petrify progress. I am lucky in that I was brought up in a matriarchal house with a sister, no brothers, I always had close friends that are women and most of my colleagues and managers have been women. I consider myself relatively empathic and sensitive to the needs of people unlike me, an advocate and, if needs be, a protector. But I have been reflecting on past comments and behaviours, from when I was a teenager up until today, without an entirely clear and unembarrassed mind. I have said things, and done fewer I think, that have made women uncomfortable and want to not be in my company, at least temporarily. There have been times I won't ever know that women were scared walking the same street as me, uncomfortable to speak up in front of me, didn't want to catch my eye. But for now I hope I can be as introspective and learned as possible to say that I see you, I see myself  and I am trying to be aware. I will be as aware as I possibly can as to how I might be perceived and I will try to use the weight and privelege I have as a white, cis-gender, heteronormative man born into power. I will try to identify subjective and objective otherness and I will listen more.

I have a son to raise, a father to relate to, male friends to love and many men who are homeless to assist. But irrespective of these men in my life I am in contact with hundreds of other humans- men, women, people of both genders and none- and I could do better to recognise all the extraordinary shades of all the glorious colours on the spectrum of human experience. Differences, together.

















1 comment:

  1. Beautiful read, so good to hear words from men about humanity.

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